Compliment: "Wow, that dress is so cute!"Take a compliment the way you'd give one to a friend. You'd never tell a friend that their accomplishment isn't really that good, so don't say it to yourself. Own your successes. And refusing to take a compliment is frankly just annoying for the complimenter. When you refuse to accept their compliment they feel obligated to keep trying. They want to say something nice and have it acknowledged; they don't want to stand there and be your emotional crutches, constantly supporting your precious self-esteem.
I will say: "Thank you, I worked really hard on it and I think it's fabulous, too!"
I will NOT say: "Oh, uh, thanks but no, it's really not that good and honestly sewing is pretty easy, anybody could do it."
Compliment: "You look great!"
I will say: "Thanks, I feel great!"
I will NOT say: "Oh, uh, thanks but no, I've totally gained five pounds over the holidays and ugh but you look great!"
Compliment: "You had such a great game/you played so well!" (roller derby for me, insert your own accomplishment)
I will say: "Thank you! I've been training like mad and really think it all clicked today."
I will NOT say: "Oh, uh, thanks but no, I fell a million times and I didn't do the right thing and anything you think I did was just a mirage."
So... just take it.
You really nailed it Tess, and it's so true. I went to a Bonnie Destroyer camp last year, and she said some similar things to you about compliments, especially in the context of derby. She said that a lot of people in derby beat themselves up for not being good enough. And when a random stranger says "YOU DO DERBY?! THAT'S AWESOME!" We all say, "oh haha well uh thanks but I'm ugh not very good..." She said we should all say, "Yes, thank you." And what she wants us to mean is "Yes, I am awesome." Because she says that just by virtue of doing something so reckless and brave, you are AWESOME! no matter your skill level.
ReplyDeleteShe also compared refusing a compliment to refusing a gift. A compliment is like someone holding out a nicely wrapped present and saying, "here take this present! I want you to have it! Take it :-D xoxox" and us shrinking back and refusing to. At some point, that's just rude because it is in some ways a rejection of that person's good will and their attempt to connect with you.
So in conclusion Tess, I like your article. I like your blog, I like your sewing and I like your derby skillz. You are awesome!
There are some smart Bonnies in derby! It's true, though, practically everyone responds with the "yeah but I'm not very good" because either we're too hard on ourselves or we think acknowledging our awesomeness will sound conceited. But we are awesome!
DeleteThanks for the nice comments, RS :) I accept your nicely wrapped word presents!